About

White van man is to be found across the land

As many as grains on a beach of sand

‘Did you hear’

Did you hear’ 

A white van man said 

As the blood of anger rushed to his head

He stood a big built figure

With coffee stains on his newspaper

The belt he wears holds it in

That face had long since lost its grin

‘They come here’

‘They come here’

‘Get council house, NHS.

Benefits the lot’

‘That’s a pretty dawn site more 

than I’ve got’

‘You pay your taxes, rent for all those years

Working all hours god sends

It’s enough to drive you round the bend’

Paper in hand unfurled he puffs and grinds and reads 

From the sixty font print

As if from the pulpit

You couldn’t make up this shit

Context irrelevant, the case study that proves the rule

He will tell you he’s nobody’s fool,

Then he and his apprentice trade more facts 

The HR Managers had better not catch them in the act

Tabloid statements from on high

The drivers think they’re modern types of guy.

Bring back hanging or even the birch 

And resurrect the stop and search

Across the country white van men seek to serve 

The country gets the government it deserves.